Reflecting on death is the key to happiness: How a death meditation can help you live a happier life
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
On January 12 2017, after having dressed for a winter walk, I turned to my brother Ced and realized he wasn’t able to put on his winter clothes by himself. I kneeled, lifted his right leg and slid his right boot on as his fiance helped with his left boot. Then we put on his jacket, his tuque, his scarf, and his gloves.
My brother and I went on the most memorable walk of my life. We walked about 500 meters, which took us twenty five minutes.
It was the last time I ever walked with my brother. He was 27 years old and I was 25.
How did this happen?
About a year earlier at a family Christmas party, we noticed he grimaced a little when he sat down. He told us a small bump on his butt cheek started growing and that he’d see a doctor if it didn’t get better the following week.
A few weeks later he had a surgery to treat what the doctor thought was an ingrown hair.
Two weeks after that he had the same surgery a second time because the doctor thought it was a failed attempt the first time.
Even as the doctors had lost all hope, Ced was still fighting to live. He was still smiling.
Three weeks after the second surgery, we found out it was actually a Sarcoma cancer. Fast forward a few weeks and it had spread to his lungs.
Another few weeks later it had spread to his brain.
Eight months after Ced's diagnosis, the brain tumor had grown to the point where he could barely walk. The right side of his body had become almost completely paralyzed. That’s when we walked together for the last time.
A year earlier he was a healthy, athletic, 26-year old with a promising future.
A year earlier, death never ever crossed our minds.
How a death meditation can help us enjoy the little things
Is this really a happiness article? Hang in there, you’ll understand why it is in a minute.
There’s one certainty for all of us, we are going to die. It might be tomorrow. It might be in 50 years. But it will happen. With death hanging over our heads like an ax that could drop at any second, how can we waste so much time and energy on small problems we face each day?
I argue it’s because we push away any thought of death. As if it might not happen to us if we ignore it. Yet, some of the happiest people on earth have proximity to death in their daily lives.
In Buddhism, there’s a meditation called Maranasati, which is a practice of remembering that death can strike at any time. They even go as far as meditating on the fact that their bodies will break down after death.
Imagine meditating on your body being eaten by bacteria until there’s nothing left but bones. Not only does this image help you enjoy life while you can, but it makes it pretty hard to think of yourself as superior!
My version of the Maranasati death mediation
Drawing inspiration from the Maranasati meditation, I’ve been reflecting on my mortality during my morning routines* for the past 3 years.
I’m by no means a Yogi. I’ve never participated in an organized meditation so I can’t speak to the actual death meditation, but here’s how I do it:
I sit in a comfortable chair. Or on the ground when I’m feeling very Yogi-like.
I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.
I think about my brother Ced, who had his life ripped apart when he was 27 years old. I remind myself that we’re all vulnerable to death. That I’m vulnerable to death.
I think about how fast the years are going by. Soon enough, if I’m fortunate enough to live to that point, I won’t be able to workout as intensely as I do. Soon enough I won’t be able to go out on long hikes in the forests by myself.
This reminds me of how grateful I am for what I can do today. I’m grateful to be able to walk, to run, to lift weights. One day, I won’t be able to do those things. Whether it’s because of old age, a car accident, a cancer, or any other event that might happen.
I think about people fighting for their lives in the hospital right this second. I make a commitment to myself to enjoy the day and not take any of it for granted. For those who can’t. For my brother Ced, who would give anything to be here today. Who would take my ‘big problems’ with a huge smile on his face.
The purpose of this death reflection is to cultivate a deeper appreciation for life. Only when you realize you could have it all taken away at any moment can you truly begin to appreciate every little detail in your life.
Every year on January 20 (the date Ced passed) I post the following quote on social media to remind myself, and hopefully inspire others, that the little things in our lives are actually big things.
‘Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were big things’. - Robert Breault.
* Full disclosure, I’m not consistent with my morning routine. When I skip it (which happens more than I’d like to admit), I do this death meditation while walking or while I’m in the shower. The format doesn’t matter, as long as we ponder on our vulnerability every day.
Death questions and quotes
On top of the quote above, here’s a lift of quotes and questions I suggest you add to your daily life. They can serve as powerful reminders to enjoy life and to not take our problems or ourselves too seriously.
How many Christmases do I have left with my parents?
How many Christmases do I have left with my dog?
If I learn I have cancer in 5 years, what will I wish I did today?
“Remembering that you’re going to die is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose” - Tim Ferriss
At the very end, all my brother Ced wanted was 7 days. How quickly did the past 7 days go by? Did you take them for grnated? All he wanted, prayed for, was 7 days. Click here to read more about the Power of Seven Days.
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